Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
