My dream of liquor pitchers came true
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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