i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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