my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize