I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
