the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We're too hungover to prance.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize