it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize