Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
