Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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