I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
