So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The air taste purple.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
