So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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