girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize