I love black thongs
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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