Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
