I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
