Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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