what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
