i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
