Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
