Please, let me fuck your mom
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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