Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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