I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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