..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
