saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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