420 ftw
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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