when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Drunk is a universal language darling
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
