I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
