You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
