you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
