well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
