I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
