He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
