If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
