Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
