you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
