OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
