is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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