Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
