omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
