When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
