I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
