is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
