Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
