i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
