do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
