"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
