I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
