you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
