I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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