Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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