You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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