I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
