I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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