am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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