No, drunk sperm still make babies.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
