What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize