Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
