If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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