i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
