; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
