So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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