I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
