ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my phone needs a breathalizer
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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