the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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