One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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