TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
