I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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