I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
