I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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