We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
