She's JV to your varsity
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
