So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
