How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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