So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
