I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
